As I was growing up, I frequently was told “Don’t act blind.” That meant don’t reach out to feel things and don’t exhibit blindisms like rocking back and forth or putting fingers in your eyes. People avoid using walking canes, hearing aids, etc. because they’ll look like they have a disability. The book How Not to Act Old, although partially tongue in cheek, also gives much advice. Topics include what to talk about, what to not talk about, including your chronic health concerns, what to wear and what kind of pet to have. All this avoiding of looking disabled or old assumes it’s bad to be old and disabled. I disagree!
George Schofield wrote about the same issue in a recent Next Avenue article:
“I already wear hearing aids to help with mild loss. Now I have fallen. If more age-related issues start stacking up, will people stop taking me seriously or question my competence?”
A blogger from www.assistiveware.com offered this guideline among others for Autism Acceptance Month (not Awareness Month):
“We want to live well, not become normal. Many autism interventions focus on making autistic people look more like non-autistic people. Common therapy goals. Include increasing eye contact and reducing unusual movements.
These aren’t priorities typically selected by autistic people ourselves. More common priorities include reducing the impact of some of the downsides associated with autism, such as anxiety and sensory hypersensitivity; learning skills needed to succeed in education and find employment; and accessing supports and accommodations to assist with daily living.
There may be intolerable costs associated with a focus on achieving an appearance of normality. Eye contact may feel painfully intense and intrusive, or it may be impossible to simultaneously make eye contact with someone and understand their spoken words. Staying still may require a vast amount of attention, leaving little left for learning. Hand-flapping may be an expression of joy, or a way to regain a sense of where one’s body is in space.”.
Another way to view these outward signs of disability and/or aging is as points where we can take the hero’s journey and face our greatest fear. So I appear old, blind, mobility-impaired, so what!
In Disrupt Aging: A Bold New Path To Living Your Best Life At Every Age, Jo Ann Jenkins talks about making realistic choices as aging happens and figuring out how to do what’s important instead of succumbing to the “I’m too old for that” agist attitude so prevalent in our society.
It’s about owning the disability and actively working to meet one’s needs, not hiding or denying it. It reminds me of the Japanese art form kintsugi where gold dust mixed with lacquer is put in the cracks of a broken object. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.
Poet E. E. Cummings said: “To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” Or, as Dr. Seuss said: “Be yourself because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”